Pain inside me
by Virpukka
Summary: Something what Bones thinks when she drives to work inside episode The Woman in the limbo.


This fic happens inside episode The Woman in Limbo. It's Brenna POV. This is song fic and song is Depeche modes Pain I'm used to.

Englis is not my native language so I hope that you exuce me grammar mistakes what there are for sure.

Dr. Temperance Brennan drove her car to her work place Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. Inside her head were war zone, yeah those were right words to describe it what she felt after she found her mother and specially what her parents really did on their work.

_I'm not sure  
What I'm looking for anymore  
I just know  
That I'm harder to console  
I don't see who I'm trying to be  
Instead of me  
But the key  
Is a question of control_

She stop to listening word of that song what was playing in the radio. Yes she didn't know what she was looking for. Hell she didn't even knew who she really where. Yes she supposed to be same person no matter who her parents were or what they had done with their life, but somehow it that the knowledge of it that ever her name wasn't real shake her world more then she like to admit. Control, that was it what made her work through every day.

_Can you say  
What you're trying to play anyway  
I just pay  
While you're breaking all the rules  
All the signs that I find  
Have been underlined  
Devils thrive on the drive  
That is fuelled _

This song really seem to describe her thoughts on today. She really didn't knew what to think about her father. When she was child he was everything to her. He was the reason she got so interested science. And now she new that it all was a big façades. He was criminal and nothing could chance that. She didn't know if he was dead or alive and she wasn't sure if she wanted to know.

_All this running around  
Well it's getting me down  
Just give me a pain that I'm used to  
I don't need to believe  
All the dreams you conceive  
You just need to achieve  
Something that rings true _

All the new information what they got seem to give her more pain to feel. There were moments when she hoped that she wouldn't been found her mothers body. Not only that but it that now she knew that they had been alive three years after their disappear, it really felt overwhelming. She had been so hurt after that happened and it had been so painful to be in that foster system that she didn't know how to feel with that piece of information. Some part of her was so mad to them, some was so hurt, how could they do that to them, to Russ and her.

_There's a hole in your soul  
Like an animal  
With no conscience  
Repentance unknown  
Close your eyes  
Pay the price for your paradise  
Devils feed on the seeds  
That are sown_

All those years without information of it what had happened to her parents where full of pain but truthfully she didn't know anymore if that was better to be unknown of all those facts or filled full of them. She really felt hole in her soul at that moment. Was that the price of known what had happened to her parents, to learn who those people really where. They totally where those parents whom she had learned to love them. She really didn't knew how to live with all this information.

_Can't conceal what I feel  
What I know is real  
No mistaking the faking  
I care  
With a prayer in the air  
I will leave it there  
On a note full of hope  
Not despair_

Yes she could try to conceal how she felt but some how her partner Booth seem to know that anyway. She had so many good friends around her to help her to go through this. They had all stayed in lab until they where sure that they really had found all what they were able to find from her mothers skeleton. She didn't knew how to thank them other then just say those two word out, thank you. It just felt so insufficient for that situation.

_All this running around  
Well it's getting me down  
Just give me a pain that I'm used to  
I don't need to believe  
All the dreams you conceive  
You just need to achieve  
Something that rings true_

They really had gone here and there in these last days. But Booth had been there for her all the time supporting her and giving her a shoulder to lean to when she really lost it in McVicars barn. Was this new pain better then the old one, cos she didn't knew that. Some part of her wished that she could get that old pain that she was used to back. Part of her was somehow happy that finally she knew what had happened to her mother but then there was still so many open questions. Like what had happened to her father and what really was the truth why her parents left her and Russ alone. She wasn't sure she would never get answers to those questions but she really hoped that the pain would ease with time. One thing had gone in to right path inside all this, maybe she could finally forgive Russ it that he had left her too.

With those last thoughts she pulled her car in to front of Jeffersonian and walked inside lab to heard if the team would have found anything new in her mothers case.

Hope you liked it and if so please press the button. :)


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